Difficult People

Last weekend I had the good fortune to enjoy a holiday dinner with one of my longtime friends. We met when we were working together years ago, and have stayed friends going on two decades. We were enjoying a meal together and talking about our daughters and how hard it is to grow up in today’s world. It seems that girls start younger and younger being mean to one another.

Last week I was interviewed on a very lively nighttime talk show in a major city. I’ve been asked often lately to comment on the “Occupy” movements in different cities, and I thought that would be the direction of our conversation. Instead, the host had a number of insights and ideas he wanted to share with his listeners, and he was talking about many difficulties that the unemployed and lower-level employed are facing. Next, he took a call from a listener who vehemently disagreed with his line of thinking and his insights.

The other day I was driving with a colleague of mine to a meeting, and we came to a four-way STOP intersection. Where I live these are everywhere, and the “courtesy” is that you have to wait your turn. Each car at each of the four stops gets a chance to go in order, and then the next one, and the next one. For the most part, the system works pretty well. On this particular day, we were sitting waiting for our turn and when it came, and we started to go left, the car across from us (turning right to go on the same street) went out of turn and went in front of us.

One of the interesting things about understanding other people is having the chance to watch what others do – and, often times, observe how disconnected they are from their impact on other people. We all have moments of “It’s all about me” – it is secret number one, after all. But some people truly look at the world through the lens of “me” and have little ability to see how their actions impact others.

I love mysteries. Right now I’m reading a great one by Harlan Coben called “Caught.” I won’t give away much of the book, because it’s such a good read, but I do want to talk about something that happens in the book: There’s a series of people who are having their reputations besmirched because of online, anonymous postings about them. The postings accuse them of doing terrible things and talk about them in a very negative manner.

I was interviewed on three different radio shows this week – there is a strong interest, for most people in personal and business situations, in learning how to deal with those difficult others. I found myself on several occasions talking about the “dance” we get into with others. The dance goes like this: My sister says something she always says that irritates me, I respond the way I always do that irritates her, she responds again and so on. We dance the same steps to the same tune over and over again.