Behavioral Styles

In my roles as corporate consultant, executive coach and college professor, and as a friend to many, I often see people struggling to move out of painful patterns and reach a more satisfying place in their lives. It could be relationship issues, career issues, health issues or the general “blah” of life, but oftentimes there is something that someone wants to change – but they just can’t seem to get out of the rut.

Do you think about changes that you’d like to make? Do you have days where you vow you will never do (or say) something to someone again, like you did today? Do you wish you could change your outlook or your attitude?

Most of us do. We do the things we don’t want to do, and don’t often do the things we know we should (and want to!) do. How come? Why does each day go by when we set out with the best of intentions but end up frustrated that we haven’t met our desired state?

Last weekend I had the good fortune to enjoy a holiday dinner with one of my longtime friends. We met when we were working together years ago, and have stayed friends going on two decades. We were enjoying a meal together and talking about our daughters and how hard it is to grow up in today’s world. It seems that girls start younger and younger being mean to one another.

Last week I was interviewed on a very lively nighttime talk show in a major city. I’ve been asked often lately to comment on the “Occupy” movements in different cities, and I thought that would be the direction of our conversation. Instead, the host had a number of insights and ideas he wanted to share with his listeners, and he was talking about many difficulties that the unemployed and lower-level employed are facing. Next, he took a call from a listener who vehemently disagreed with his line of thinking and his insights.

The other day I was driving with a colleague of mine to a meeting, and we came to a four-way STOP intersection. Where I live these are everywhere, and the “courtesy” is that you have to wait your turn. Each car at each of the four stops gets a chance to go in order, and then the next one, and the next one. For the most part, the system works pretty well. On this particular day, we were sitting waiting for our turn and when it came, and we started to go left, the car across from us (turning right to go on the same street) went out of turn and went in front of us.

A recent advertisement for car insurance outlined what I think of as “the Domino Effect.” The person in the car crash needed to borrow a car, which meant the person who loaned it didn’t have their car and had to borrow one from someone else. That person had to cancel an appointment, which meant that the person having the appointment with them was inconvenienced, and so on. In life, our actions affect others’ lives.